Bored...

I've got a few minutes before dinner. Quite a few minutes. Just long enough to be bored, but not long enough to really start something. So I felt like making a list...about me :)
*I'm really shy. I'm trying to change that-I've been trying to change that-but it's an uphill battle that's not going very well. Actually, as of this moment, it's not going at all, but at least I'm trying...
*When I find a favorite song, I tend to put it on repeat and listen to only that song for literally hours, sometimes a couple of days.
*I have a scar on my upper lip where I almost bit all the way through it at the age of nine.
*I don't like being misunderstood.
*I'm not passionate about many things, but I have a few that I would fight to my death to defend.
*I'm mostly vegetarian because I don't like meat. Not because of the animals.
*My lucky numbers are 3, 7, 9, and 19
*I love black cats. And I despise the 'unlucky' myth about them.
*Christmas is my favorite holiday, with Halloween coming in a close second, Easter at third. Thanksgiving is my least favorite, mostly because I can't stand turkey. At all. Not even the smell.
*I tend to be very accepting of different views, unless it's one of my passionate things.
*I can see things from many different points of view at the same time. Sometimes it gets confusing.
*I'm Catholic, but I haven't been to church since my brother's first communion, which was May of my freshman year in high school.
*My biggest fear of all time is heights. I handle bugs better than I handle heights..and for those of you who have seen me try to kill a bug, you know what I mean.
*I used to love roller coasters. Not so much anymore. Mainly because of the heights thing...I can't stand the first hill, so I'd just deal with it and enjoy the rest, but I got tired of being so scared. I tried Raging Bull once, which is over 200 ft tall, and I almost cried. I was making people who aren't scared of heights at all nervous. And they had been on this ride a few times.
*I LOVE marching band and miss it dearly.
*I was teased to death in grade school. I had one friend from 2nd through 5th grade, and it wasn't until the eighth grade when I found an actual group of friends consisting of more than one person, and it wasn't until the very start of college when I finally found a bunch of friends without going through loneliness and ridicule first.
*I procrastinate too much for my own good.
*I find the theories in physics absolutely fascinating. I hate the math part, but I could listen to the theories literally all day.
*I HATE goodbyes. With a passion.
*Band is my life and has been since the age of eleven.
*I despised The Fray until I saw them in concert. Now I love them.
*I don't like how thin I am. Bones are not attractive when they are sticking out all the time. And shopping is difficult, too, not many brands make size one prom dresses.
*I used to hate how curly my hair can be and would do anything to keep it straight, or, if I didn't have the time, which was almost every day, I'd pull it back. It wasn't until last year I started enjoying the curls, and now I love them.
*I want to get my bellybutton pierced soon, and a tattoo when I turn 21.
*I'm going to eat now so I will end this thoroughly fascinating list :) hope you enjoyed it.

Oddly Pensive

Another mood. The introverted, will-do-anything to avoid homework, slightly tired type mood. The one that makes me the most introverted and pensive. And since I still don't have that pensieve....
I'm still listening to the Snow Patrol song. I've been listening to it for a few hours. Just the one song. It's making me have one of those "I want a relationship" moments. It's about someone hitting a really rocky point in their relationship and missing their significant other, and hoping it will work out while they're still angered. It makes me want someone to love me in that way. Mad, but saddened at the same time, and missing me even when I screw something up. Moreover...I want to be kissed. Kind of a lot at the moment. I've never been. I'm 19....goodness! How long can this take!!!!! Seriously. Someone has to notice me. And ask me out. Someday. Hopefully that day won't be too far off. I'm tired of being asked by my older cousins if anything is happening relationship-wise and then the awkward silence or the look of surprise after I answer, for the millionth time, no nothing's happened yet. At all. I just want to experience...a date. A kiss. The things teenage girls are meant to go through. The things pretty much everyone else experienced in the beginning of high school. *exasperated sigh*
I've realized something odd about myself. Something I kind of don't like. Nor do I understand it. I can carry on a conversation with some people sooo easily, completely without effort, constant chatter and talking. And then...with others...it takes effort. And there's crickets. Lots of them. I don't know why this is. Seriously. Because it's usually the ones I'm the most quiet around that I really want to have these prolonged conversations with. It's not like I don't want to talk...because I do. I hate silence and crickets. But somehow....I have a hard time thinking of things to say, or coming up with replies. I hate being shy. I don't even know if that's part of the problem, but I still strongly dislike it. And I don't want to be that way. I want to talk to people, even people I just met, and especially the ones I'm having difficulties thinking of things to say around. It's difficult. I'm trying to work on it, I really am. But I'm having a hard time with it. It's something I can't seem to change. At least not easily. It's how I've always been, and changing such a constant part of my personality is...rough. The advice of a buddy keeps running through my mind..."fake it until you make it"...and I wish that I could do that...but it's hard to feign conversation. Especially when you can't think of anything to say. Kind of impossible.
Insecurities are not fun. Someday *I hope* I'll have changed this. But it is taking forever. And I'm losing patience. I'm losing patience with a lot at the moment. This especially. *Why* can't I just be normal and talkative and outgoing....and *why* is it that I'm only sooo shy around certain people???
I feel like dancing. Like ballet type dancing. Or figure skating. Not the pathetic half glide with my arms sticking straight out to keep balance, but real, graceful skating. The two things I would love to learn and still don't know. I need to release some energy that is pent up inside me that's usually not there. Not hyper energy. Not any energy I'm used to having. It's strange. I just need something other than writing and music. Something graceful. Maybe I need marching band. Maybe that's why I haven't really felt like this before...because from June through November I had a release. For three years.
I know I know and it's back to that topic...that whole can of worms I thought I had worked out last time I wrote about it. Well, that can of worms is back. I still miss it dearly, and I always will.
I have a feeling that part of this mood is that song. Maybe sleep has something to do with it too. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be over this mood and actually be capable of concentrating on homework.
I hope so...

And it's back to the norm...

Fall break...was great. :D
Friday afternoon, I went ice skating with Kristina and Megan...I was on the ice for an hour, and I didn't fall once! That's a record!!! :D Then we went back to Kristina's and finished a 3D puzzle, then since Kristina had to work, Megan and I went to Panera and had one of their Crispanis. It was really good. Then we went back to Megan's, where I got my way belated birthday gift...a knitting caddy and a three foot wide puzzle of Times Square :D And we did a puzzle while watching Desparate Housewives (we tried to watch AMC, but her recording thinger was a butthead and didn't record it).
Saturday morning was Nate's parade, where the whole band marches in costumes. It was cute. He wanted to be the guy from scream, but as he couldn't play with the mask on, he had to settle for just the cloak. And he has short dark hair and wears glasses...he looked like Harry Potter! heeheehee
Then my mom, Nate and I went shopping...I finally have my printer and running shoes, a birthday gift for my roomy, my watch had its extra links taken out, plus I found Uncle Buck and Kindergarten Cop for five bucks apiece :D annd when I was at Famous Footwear for the shoes, I saw *the* most ADORABLE heels ever...brown and closed besides a little v in the front for some toe cleavage ;) and the heel part looks like stacked wood...maybe I'm not the best shoe describer, but these things were drop dead gorgeous. So I went to look at the price...regular fifty, on sale for thirty five, and they're Steve Maddens!!!!! :D :D Needless to say, I got them right then and there with hardly a second thought. :D :D :D
Saturday night was a wonderful spaghetti dinner with garlic bread, and homemade cake for dessert :) with some general relaxing and hanging around afterwards.
And for my animals...Tink ignored me for a day, then warmed up to me, then started ignoring me again when I started packing. As soon as I walked in the door, Snoopy freaked out and ran around me in circles and we had a pretty intense game of keep away :)
I also made *the* best discovery ever. I have broken a record...for the most I've ever weighed. By TWO pounds. Yup. The scale said 112!!!!!! :D :D :D I've gained weight for the first time since...jr high, I think. SIX whole pounds!!!!!! WOO HOO. Now I'm only six pounds under weight..but it's the closest I've ever been to being at a normal weight in a loong time. It's definetly an improvement from this time last year when I lost a bunch thanks to marching knights and general stress and was down to 95. *dances around* I'm probably one of the only people around to get excited about gaining weight. But I am. And I have this knee length skirt that goes perfectly with my new heels that's a 3, so it's always been big on me...it fits perfectly now. The waist doesn't want to slide around, and it looks like I have a rear end in it :D :D :D YAY!!! :D :D
I started running today...I love it. It's a better stress reliever than yoga right now. Of course, I'll probably end up losing most of what I gained *grumbles* that's usually how it goes. But oh well. I like running too much to not do it at regular intervals.
I got the dreaded RE test results back today. While it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it's still not good by any means. But there's still two tests, a paper and a ton of homework to go, so I can pull that grade back up. I'm determined NOT to stress about it, and so far that's going over pretty well.
And on with the rest of the day...

Home at last

I got back yesterday afternoon...the ride went well. Boring and slow, but ok. ;)
This morning I went back to the glories of Lincolntraz to see a few old teachers....it was interesting. I guess that when you're visiting, you have to sign in and have a pass thinger and tell them exactly who you're there to see...*rolls eyes*
I saw Mrs Rauch (junior year english), Mr Ernst (sophomore us history) who talked to me for a surprisingly long time, I didn't think he remembered me that well, and Mrs McAvoy (senior year forensic science). I saw Nedzel (band director) for a moment, but as MK are leaving at four this afternoon for Minnesota, I knew they'd be kind of busy, so I didn't haunt the music department for long. Next time I visit, I'm definetly going with other people, it's kind of odd wandering by yourself.
*Oh* and they definetly don't change locker combinations. Good old C1015 (my locker for four years) is still 16 24 48 and had someone else's books in it... ;)
I'm SOO glad I'm done with highschool. People are SOO immature there. And their schedule changed this year, too, first hour doesn't start til 812 instead of 806. And there's no delayed starts or early releases anymore, either...
I am *so* glad I got out of there last year XD Just in time.
I'm leaving for ice skating in a few...with Kristina and Megan!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D So I should go get ready. :D :D

Elation!

Now that I'm finally in a really good mood.... :D
Thursday...tomorrow (!)...afternoon I will be *officially* headed home for the first time in almost two months. And I cannot wait!!!! :D :D
I just talked to Kristina today and finalized most of my plans. I am so excited...
Thursday is at home and Aurelio's for dinner.
Friday EARLY morning I'm headed back to Lincolntraz to see some teachers that have not been keeping in touch ;)
Friday later morning until Friday evening is some time with Kristina, maybe Megan too. Jigsaw puzzling, knitting, flag twirling and maybe tossing (!), among other things.
Friday night...nothing planned...yet.
Saturday morning is Nathan's parade :D Which my mom said that he keeps going on about how excited he is that I will be there!!! :D
Saturday afternoon is printer shopping (at last) and TARGET!!!! (which I miss!)
Saturday night is at home movie watching with my family.
And I'll be back sometime on Sunday...hopefully not until the afternoon.
With concert dress hemming, laundry and some serious soap opera/desparate housewives watching speckled throughout.
:D :D :D :D :D
I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME! Annd I can't wait to see my kitty. My little Tinkerbell who I miss so :) And to play keep away with Snoopy (where he has a toy and I chase him all over the house, trying to get it from him. My parents say he hasn't played since I left, he'll try with them but quit after a few moments...like it's not the same).
*dances up and down in chair* That car ride will be the longest five hours of my life! :D

and all is right with the world again

I talked to my RE prof. I was right. He DID base my grade off of my belief. He marked me down b/c he didn't agree with me.
*but*
He apologized PROFUSELY. Re read my paper. Wondered aloud *why* he gave me a B, said I did much better than that.
Then he went on to say that he must have been marathon grading, and had read so many papers by people sharing my belief who worded theirs "terribly" and when he got to mine and read that belief again, was frustrated. He said I worded mine very well, I did not deserve that ridicule *nor* did I deserve a B, and is regrading it.
*sigh of relief* And I am no longer steaming.
*but* just for the record...
The grade did not upset me all that much. I was not after getting a better grade, nor was I steaming over the B. I was angry over the fact that it appeared he marked down my grade based on my belief. I just wanted to know the reasons for my grade, because being ridiculed like that is very angering, and I am no longer a doormat who does not stand up for myself.
And I don't hate that class as much as I did yesterday :D
about 7 more hours... :D :D :D I think I'm going to explode!!!

TGIF!!!!!

It's ten til midnight as I start typing this. And I can't believe it. I have survived the week from hell. Not the Marching Knight week from hell, where we had 9 or 10 consecutive days of band activities on top of school and homework, but college week from hell. The week where you look at the vast pile of homework and the teeny amount of time you have to get it done...and panic. It's over. I survived. WOO HOO!!!!!!!!
Granted, this is probably nowhere near as bad as it will someday get to be. But still. I was stressed. And now it's done.
I still have a slight amount of work to do. The paper? Well...seeing as I *must* interview a prof, and said prof hasn't been in his office every time I can do the interview, it's still on the backburner. *But* we're not getting back real late on Sunday. I'm trying again for the interview tomorrow, and if it doesn't work, I'm going for email. I'll at least interview Chelsea and start that end of the paper. The IS readings? Ummm...getting there. They're not long. Two hours TOPS. The RE studying? CHECK!!! 2.5 hours on the third floor of Vogel. *Six* Bible dictionaries. Massive looking up and interpreting. There's still more to go, but 2.5 solid hours of studying alone is a record. A great record. And I'm pleased with myself :) and I hope to break that record sometime soon. It's a start, seeing as this is the first time ever where I've actually had to study. I'm still adjusting. But it's going well. Oh and the speech...completely DONE!!! :D I'm still happy about that one. The RE worksheets? Done on Monday. Three of my IS readings and the movie worksheet? Also done on Monday. I did pretty darn well, considering my habitual procrastinator disadvantage.
And speaking of the devil that is RE...well...I HATE that class. It has me SOOOO angered at the moment. Not because of the fact that I'm not doing so well grade wise or because of the test. Because of a previous assignment. We were going over the book of Job, where this good-doing guy by the name of Job has a whole bunch of unfortuante things happen, and no one can figure out why. In class, we watched a speech by one guy who said suffering is random and not God caused. We read a journal by another guy who said suffering is a part of God's plan, none of it is without purpose. We had to write a brief paragraph on which we believed and why. I stated I believed the second one, about God having a plan, because when I was 7 and my mom had cancer and my noni was taking care of me, whenever I got upset, that's what she would tell me. God has a plan, everything happens for a reason, however it works out...it was meant to be. I got that paper back the other day.
Here is my prof's response, and I quote:
"Okay, but then you would have to explain to one [or me, I can't tell which] how it could be wrong for me to say, break my daughters bones so that my son would realize how fortunate he is not to have to wear a cast! Were I to do such a thing, I would rightly be locked away. How is it that we can ascribe such behavior to God. Here's another one: by your rationale, 9/11 was an act of God since "everything happens in accord with God's plan." [which, btw, is NOT how I worded that] Does it really? Did 9/11? If so, what sort of God is that?"
And there's a B circled at the bottom of the page. That's the only thing he wrote on my paper. No other reasons for the grade. Just an attack on my belief. And I am steaming.
*begin rant*
There are very few things I'm extremely passionate about. This belief of mine tops the list. It is my longest standing, most established belief besides my belief in God existing. What he wrote on my paper is an attack on that. You ask for my opinion, I give my opinion. That was the point of the assignment. This class is supposed to be objective, as in just a study of the Bible. A literary study. Not a belief attack. I have never been so angry at a teacher than I am now. I don't care if someone's opinion differs from mine! My philosophy is be and let be! I would never attack someone due to a difference in opinion or belief. So why attack me????? Obviously, he doesn't share this opinion. The attacking one and the God's plan one. AAAHHH I cannot express my anger enough!!!!!! I AM STILL STEAMING! And I've had this paper in my hands since Wednesday!!!! I've vented to two or three other people, my mom included, and I've vented through writing a few times now...It's not working. Not at all. I had respect for my prof. Until this. AAAAHH
*end rant*
I am talking to him tomorrow. Hopefully, he won't set me off, which is rather easy to do at this point in time on this topic, because if I am set off, I will explode. And I mean explode. >:P It won't be pretty.
On a lighter note...geez this post got long...ooops.
IT'S 12 :22!!!!!!!!!! FRIDAY AT LAST!!!!!!!! YAY HOORAY *dances* YESSSSS I survived! And my hair is still in my head, not in my fists!!! :D :D :D
Ok...bed...sleep...and more excitement :) Oh I can't wait til we leave...

*breathes calmly and normally*

Speech...done! :D and one of the largest causes of my stress is abolished. HOORAY! *dances in a circle* Now I just have the paper to worry about. But it will turn out ok. No more freaking out...I've done enough of that for this week. I won't put it off until Sunday, I will start the interviews today and type it tonight and tomorrow. And all will be great!
And in even *happier* news...MY FLUTE LESSON IS CANCELLED TIL FRIDAY WHEN ALL WORK AND STRESS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!! yay yay yay So I can stay for all of hookers today and make some real progress on my scarf and relax without having to watch the clock or worry about anything.
To do list:
interviews
four IS readings/wskts
type paper
practice flute
dye hair
STUDY STUDY STUDY for re
it's almost friday it's almost friday......

slightly better...

Calming down. Just a little bit. I've been working non stop since around 8. *sigh* I got a lot done. And it feels wonderful. My brain is cooling off from the intense amount of frying it was just forced through.
I read three passages for IS from the IS book and completed worksheets for each. I did two RE worksheets, and filled out the questions for the Godfather. A considerable chunk.
Tomorrow: speech and four more IS readings and a worksheet for each. Try and contact my interviewees for my surprise IS paper. Band.
Wednesday: interviews, classes, flute lesson, try to start paper.
Thursday: intense studying for RE, type paper. Band, chem lab, worksheets from chem lab. Dye hair.
Friday: Surprise homework not listed anywhere as of now...and I'm gone!
Not as bad as I thought it would be. Busier than I imagined this time last week, but I definetly thought it would be worse earlier tonight. BEDTIME AT LAST......
goodness I've never been so excited for Friday in my life...

Quickie

AAAHH stress!!!!!! *deep breaths* If I didn't procrastinate this badly, I'd be calmer. But no. :P I have a speech on Wednesday that I've known about forever that I still have yet to start. That will be my day tomorrow. That and chemistry problems, a movie worksheet, and another religion worksheet. :P blah.
It'll be annoying. But I will be soooo happy tomorrow night when it is done.
Aaand I start PE next week...but CA doesn't end..so monday and wednesday I will have five classes. a 745, 9, 1045, 12, and 115. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I don't wanna!!!!
I really am dreading the next seven weeks. A lot. I think I will end up killing my yoga dvd for need of relaxation. Winter term is almost here...I'll only have four classes...no RE. That will be done. I'll have psychology...and french...and I'll look forward to both...and it will almost be May term....
*sigh* No need to rip my hair out in anticipation of how much I'll be ripping my hair out. It's only 14 days of senseless torture. It will be over soon.
In happier news...my first WCCB concert was yesterday...and it was pretty sweet. Though I don't care for Nuemann Auditorium much. You can defietly see the audience very well, even with the stage lights on. And it's almost 1/3 the size of my highschool aud. You really don't notice the last one until you're on stage and notice there's only one section of seats, not three. But the concert was still good. Doc's commentary is by far the best part...it is soo entertaining in comparison to all my other directors.
Lunch time... :D good I'm hungry!!!!

*warm fuzzies*

I had a very interesting dream earlier during my pre-band nap. Sarah and I were at this band thing, and we were playing this game where we (the whole band) were in two circles: the smaller one on the inside, larger one on the outside, facing each other. After a certain amount of time, the circles would rotate one person, and we had to say something about or that reminded us of the person in front of us before we rotated again. When Sarah and I were facing each other, she started to say something, then decided against it and we just hugged...words weren't needed.
It's just a dream, I know, but I still woke up feeling all warm and fuzzy-ish. :)
And (once again...) I have realized something. I've been here for about a month, and I've managed to fit in. I have made friends who want to do things with me and want me to be there with them as much as I do. This is incredibly new to me. Everywhere I've been new to, I've had to wait literally a year or more to find my niche. For every current friend I have (college friends excluded), there's been a long period of getting to know each other time which has always lasted at least a few months, where I wouldn't see them outside of band or school. It took three months for me to do anything with Megan and Kristina, and for Sandy and Rachel...we met in the eighth grade, and the first time we did anything outside of school was January of our sophomore year. But here...it's different. I fit in almost instantly. There was no period of ridicule, where I had no one. I've befriended people who I really care about, and they care about me in return. They want to be with me, go to things and do things. And it's only been a month.
I just can't believe I have finally found a place where I can fit in so well. It's never worked out that way until now. And up until now, I never expected it to...

enjoy!

I saw this is another blog, and decided to give it a try...it is a lot of fun.
It's called "create your own fireworks" and it goes like this:
I have this list of little factoids about me! :D if you want to make your own (which you should try it is a lot of fun), just make another statement about my statement. ie: #1 is "I love cats" now you can say "I despise cats" or "I love bananas." Just say your own thing that involves part of my statement. Simple enough. So now I begin...
1. I love cats.
2. Coldplay's X&Y is my favorite CD. I got it right before my England trip, and it's all I listened to for that entire week. I can even remember exactly what point in what song the plane took off at. That was the best week of my life, and it's what the cd makes me think of :)
3. I'm not the best at cooking, but I can bake fairly decently.
4. I could always use more sleep. But then again, can't everyone?
5. I was born in Rapid City, South Dakota. But I don't remember anything as I moved to Illinois at the age of two. I'm also the only one in my family born outside of IL or WI.
6. I only went to one high school, but I've moved a total of five times and went to three different schools before the 9th grade (Niel Armstrong (in Richton Park) K-5, Nelson Ridge (in New Lenox) 6, and Martino Jr. High (also in NL) 7-8).
7.I haven't eaten any organic food on purpose. But I'm sure I've come accross it at some point in time.
8. I'm slightly homesick now...but I'll be home again soon.
9. I'm not allergic to any type of food, but I have an overly sensitive stomach, so there's a lot that I can't eat or have to be careful with for fear of upsetting it.
10. I was a really active kid, always outside and running around. Not anymore, though, I haven't been for a while, but I was once.
11. My parents don't drink, and I have absolutely no intention of doing so besides a pretty drink (ONLY 1) on my 21st birthday.
12. I love shopping. It is like therapy. When I have money, of course...
13. I'll be in NYC in May! and I can't wait!!
14. Anyone who is rude and/or mean is not worth my time.
15. I am just a little less freaked out about my grades than Hermione. Granted, I don't respond to this stress by studying fervently, but I do freak out over grades easily.
16. Spelling is simple. I do make screw ups, but they are not common.
17. My favorite flowers are daisies and Hibiscus flowers.
18. I try not to swear. If I'm frustrated enough, I'll slip, but for the most part, I just don't.
19. Words are ludicrously enjoyable. Especially long, confusing ones. :)
20. I wish I was bigger. Just a little, and not to the point where my clothes have issues fitting. Just enough so I don't look so fragile and my bones (particularly my collarbone, hips and spine) don't make appearances no matter how hard I try to hide them.
21. I can be artistic and creative if I really want to or am in the right mood.
22. I try not to worry about money.
23. I love swimming. Not laps, just floating around and goofing off. I'm like a fish.
24. I've done two big injuries to my mouth: when I was eight and riding a bike, I turned oddly and did a flip over the handlebars and landed on my two front teeth, chipping one and fracturing both. Then, when I was nine, I was on top of the monkey bars coming down in between them, biting my lip, when the back of my head hit a bar causing it to fly forward and making my teeth hit the bar in front of me. I bit almost all the way through my top lip (I still have the scars), chipped the one tooth again and fractured the other.
25. I have a huge fear of losing my parents, especially my mom. This is mostly because my mom went through cancer when I was 7, so for a period of time I very likely could have lost her.
There's 25 more...so I'll just post this for now :) the rest will be up shortly.

Randomness

I realized on my way back to my dorm after dinner that I was eating ice cream and wearing flip flops along with a sweater and pea coat in 50 degree rain....HA!!! I love being random. :D

happy happy happy happy happy day!!!!!

TODAY WAS OUTFLY!!! AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! and it was AMAZING I loved it! :D :D
So today, when they announced it, I was having this odd dream about a boarding school of sorts when I was able to hear the orientation staff running on the third floor, and it tied into my dream (something about the eighth graders on the ground floor of this school were annoyed by the noisy kindergardeners above them, or something strange like that). Then I dreamed about the inconvenience of ice cream stores closing for the winter (that came from Melissa and Chelsea, no doubt) when I finally heard some shouts and started coming to, realizing it was almost time to get up for my horrible 745 class, and then I realized they were saying "outfly!" And I freaked out. I woke up and thought..."outfly...outfly...is it really outfly? it's outfly....IT'S OUTFLY!!" and I started saying "It's outfly! It's really outfly!!" and ran around my room in an excited circle while squeaking with joy...I think I scared my roomy heehee ;)
It was such a nice day. Chelsea, Jesse, Naiya, Melissa and I did the photo scavenger hunt...which was great! It involved a solid hour of running around like maniacs while trying to find things, which I deeply enjoyed (I miss running, surprisingly). We came in third out of four teams, but for a group of solid first years who found everything, we did pretty well. Then I saw my soap...which was absolutely amazing...David told Dixie about how he found Kate, managed to convince her he was telling the truth (which he is, for once) and Colby's pregnancy scare was a false alarm (though I half wish it wasn't..she's 16, and her stepmother is pregnant at the moment..it would have been amusing). But, she did tell this spectacular lie about how it was Josh who raped her when it was Sean and it wasn't rape at all, so Josh was arrested even though he didn't do anything and the only way to prove his innocence is for Babe to admit she was sleeping with him at the time of the "rape," which would ruin her marraige. :D It was a great show.
After that, Melissa, Chelsea, Anne, Jolene and I tried to walk to the yarn store....but it was closed, so we went in some random cute stores instead, and found a Halmark! It was fun. I saw this year's Celebration Barbie ornament (I've been collecting them since the age of 7 and have every one) and it is SO ugly. :P but I can't ruin my collection. Grrrrr.
And I noticed that my shoes gave me a HUGE blister on my heel...and it hurts still...so I am definelty confined to flip flops for a while. And it is cold. And these were regular gym shoes, so it was completely unexpected...oh well. It will heal.
I spent the rest of the night relaxing...did some knitting, stuff like that. I felt a twinge of...I don't know if I'd really call it depression anymore, more like a lonely desolation, maybe....anyway, just a five minute long twinge. I managed to pull myself out of it via my band video. Again ;) And I wan't tired, so it must have been some slight hormone fluctuation...it is getting close... :(
Chelsea, Jolene, Jesse and I went to see The Guardian...which was absolutely amazing. I love that movie. And I almost cried. I came very close, which is really saying something as I've only cried at four movies in my life (Titanic, the first time because I was 10, Stepmom, Phantom of the Opera (the grave yard song), and World Trade Center).
I didn't get back until 230, and my roomy was alseep...as always, she had closed my computer because the light bothers her, so I made noise attempting to reach my loft in the pitch blackness, and when I went to open my computer so I could shut it off, it started playing The Kraken, which I had been listening to, almost at full volume, and because it was trying to bring everything up I couldn't stop the music for a good 20-30 seconds. And it was the loud organ part at the end. Needless to say, I completely succeeded in fully awakening my roomy. Oops.

ORGANS ARE AMAZING!!!

So right now I am listening to the best song on the face of the planet. It is "The Kraken" off of the PotC 2 soundtrack (Melissa found it on one of her cds, so I copied it to my computer). I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have listened to it today....it is AMAZING!!! My ears are practically ringing because of the constant noise since about noon, but I can't stop, and the only way to hear this song is at full volume!!! I mentioned to Naiya that this song should be part of our guard routine when we get that going...and she agreed...so I've been envisioning some awesome flag and rifle choreography to it all day...huge blood red flags that are revealed at the first huge organ part in a magnificent toss...*dies*
I just got back from another IS movie not too long ago. We saw "The Graduate" and it was great. I love that movie! Best one we've seen so far.
But this one was rather....relationship oriented, I guess would be the best way of putting it...and let's just say I'm beginning to understand the portion of my buddies who really wish they were in a relationship right now a lot better...*sigh* I'm still kind of back and forth with that aspect of my life. Tonight is just one of those times I wish something would happen...someone would notice me...I know that Naiya still wants to set me up, but I really don't know if I want that or not. I honestly think, at least for now, that I would be happier finding someone that I like who likes me back, but no one seems to like me at the moment...and something tells me that would take quite a while. I managed to go all the way through high school without getting asked out to anything, and no one (at least that I knew of) seemed to do as much as notice me...and my highschool was a lot bigger than Wartburg is. This guy Naiya knows probably is hardly aware of my existence, except for the couple of times she mentioned me to him, which from the way she made it sound wasn't a lot. She isn't even to the point of asking him about a possible relationship with me, so there's still a chance he wouldn't be interested after all. Goodness, I am getting pessimistic, which is making me a hypocrite right now... :P Maybe something will happen. I have to make up my mind eventually. Maybe if I just cave and go along with the setting up, I'd be really happy and have no second thoughts. But I don't want to give in just because someone else is pushing me to...*another sigh* I hate not being able to decide.
In other news...13 days til ISU!!!!!!!!! :D :D and 206 til NY!!!!!!!! yay!!

Excitement

Life has been fairly mundane. Today was pretty nice...I went to Walmart (via car this time) and got my red hair dye :D this time two weeks from now I will once again resemble Ginny!! Yes! Aaand two weeks from today is ISU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just found out from a MK buddy they just were grand champions of a competition today!!! :D :D :D :D Now that makes me happy. Two more weeks...
I also just finished the first half of my scarf. I'm so excited about that, too.... :D
And today, when I was attempting to organize my room, I remembered that my all time favorite radio station from back home is online, so I listened to it for the first time in a month. I'm listening to it right now! :D And earlier today they played Augustana's "Boston" which is an amazing song. Back in July, me and two of my buddies (Kristina and Megan) went to a free concert in Millenium Park featuring Augustana and The Fray...so that song reminded me of that day, which was awesome. Then they played the Goo Goo Dolls. Kristina, Megan and I went to their concert in August (lawn seats in a downpour...hahaha that was fun), which, coincidentally, was the last time we were together...so as I danced around my room like a crazy person with the volume all the way up, I was thinking of my buddies :) and I realized I really really miss them. A lot. But I'll see them over fall break :D so now I'm more excited for that!
And my buddy Kristen, who I've known since the age of eight, wrote me back today, which was very exciting! She was supposed to come up here with her brother sometime this month because he had a wedding to go to around here somewhere, which she won't be able to do any more. She has to work or something :( Oh well I'll see her over Christmas break.
And life continues......

*snoorrrrrrrrrrrrre*

Oh my goodness am I tried today. I guess that's what happens when you wake up at 600 to walk to Walmart with Melissa and Chelsea so Melissa can get the new Skillet CD (which they didn't have!!! grrrr). 2.5 miles each way. And I was wearing flip flops (I can't stand closed shoes unless it's freezing). And bought quite a bit (I was almost out of food....) It was interesting, to say the least. :D As we were leaving campus, we saw a bunch of drunk guys making their way back to their dorms, literally on all fours! heehee.
only 18 days until ISU, and I cannot WAIT!!! It'll be so much fun...
Though I have realized something...I've been listening to previous field shows quite a bit, which has always been a mood booster...but as of the last couple of days, they've been making me realize how much I really miss marching. I don't miss the practice, nor do I miss the parades and lesser field shows that occur in September/early October that much, nor do I miss the football games a lot... I miss ISU. Don't get me wrong, I will be MORE than happy to see MK perform, I've just realized that in all of the exitement will be a slight amount of sadness. I will be at ISU for the fourth competition in a row, but this time I will be in the stands...I will be one of the many cheering fans who makes the show what it is. My former band buddies will be on the field, experiencing the best performance of a lifetime...and I won't be marching with them. They will be getting "it" (for those of you who aren't in MK, the most wonderful feeling of all time. Literally a music high 100 times greater than you can imagine, the single happiest moments of my life occurred on the field of ISU when we hit an amazing part in the field show...the music loud enough to give you chills, and you can see the crowd cheering but can't hear them because of the music...words don't give it justice. It's amazing enough to make me cry, and I hardly cry at anything.) Anyway, they will get the band feeling...and I never will again. :( I thought this had all sunk in last year, but it still is a little bit. It's not until you see your band performing from the sidelines that you realize you're not a part of it anymore.
Well, that was a lot less cheery of a post than I intended. I'm in a really good mood, I promise... :)
Goodness, the weather was toasty today. I miss my ac...though it could be a lot worse...still. It's pretty warm for October! :P
*oh!!!* The single BEST thing on the face of the planet happened on All My Children today...Madden's murderer was revealed! It wasn't Zach, Dixie, JR, Jamie....it was TAD!! The one who claimed he had spotted Zach and Dixie murdering Madden and was the main cause of the trial actually becoming a trial and charges not being dropped was the murderer!!! AND Tad and Dixie will end up forgiving each other and going back to being Tad and Dixie like they were before the whole car crash/fake death/accidentally adopted now missing child incindents!!! YESSSS!!!!!!!! :D Pine Valley is rejoicing today!!!!

Gophers!

A decent day, I guess. More classes, another project, not a whole lot that is too spectacular...same old boring Monday.
Band was good...and funny...we were playing "El Choclo," this tango based song, and in one part upper woodwinds and lower brass/ww trade off the melody, like a dance. So Doc was trying to get the trumpets to understand where they fit in with thier random fanfare, and he said "So we have the feminine females, and the masculine males, and the trumpets, right in between, what are you guys?" and Sarah replied "nuetered!" LOL. She said later on that she didn't mean for it to be funny...but I was definelty amused. Heeheeehee :D
And then after dinner, I was walking with Chelsea to her newspaper meeting, and there were a LOT of leaves on the ground that we were dancing in, and I ran in a random circle in them and she said "You're like a gopher!!" LOL!!! Completely random AND hillarious! Rachel, the gopher who runs in circles in the leaves... :D
My roomate left for the night. She also left her cellphone, and missed a call, so it beeps every few minutes. That's going to get annoying after a while...
*rant*
I understand I say stupid things. Quite a bit. Usually, I realize this right after I say them, and I end up laughing at myself quite often. It normally doesn't bother me at all. Except when I get a certain look. The look of 'Goodness, you're a moron, WHY did you just say that?' or the look of 'Well THAT was a ridiculous idea. WHY didn't you think of this?' I don't have the same "brilliant" ideas as everyone else. There are things which I have not experienced, therefore I do not know how they work, therefore I am especially prone to making extremely out-there comments on them. I don't know everything!!! The more I get to know someone, the less I think before I blurt something out (that's how my shyness slowly wears away), so these odd statements occur at increasing rates. Just laugh with me and move on! Looks don't help!!! They only make me angry, which makes me unable to laugh, and I become more withdrawn and quiet while I silently brood and try not to freak out on the offender. The first time, it will eventually roll off (within a few minutes), but the more it happens, the more angry I become and the more likely it is that I snap. And snapping isn't pretty. I try and avoid it for a reason...it generally doesn't go over very well with the person I'm snapping at. I have fangs, and given time, they will come out. So don't look at me like that!!!!! *exasperated sigh*
*end rant*

dude!

I just had the strangest dream...where Morgan Fairchild (the blonde one from Green Acres) asked me to be a Victoria's Secret model. And the Victoria's Secret I was at had this Phantom of the Opera Halloween display in a waterfall.
......why can't dreams come true?? :P

YA BAND!!!!!! woot!!

The other day I thought that seeing the Marching Knights was not going to happen for a LONG time...well...I was WRONG!!! Jen is going to ISU, and offered me a ride....I'M GONNA SEE MK AT THE BEST COMPETITION OF THE YEAR!!!! YAY YAY YAY! 20 days 20 days I can't wait! :D
The weekend wasn't bad at all. I procrastiated a LOT. As usual. I watched sooo many movies, though, at least five...I'm burned out on movies for a while now. My scarf is progressing greatly, I'm about 1/3 of the way done with the first part :)
I have been having some ponderings recently, though. Naiya wants to set me up with someone, and I'm still trying to decide if I want to be set up...I don't know. There are times where I really would like to have a relationship with someone, random days where that's all I seem to think about, but there's also a lot of times where I'm glad I don't have one. I guess it's the unkown, and I'm not always happiest when going into something I'm completley unfamiliar with. I half worry that I'll start spending less time with my friends, concentrating on this guy, and then it won't work out...and I'll have wasted all that time. And then I just get plain nervous. I don't know if I'm ready for a boyfriend yet. But I'm 19. And in college. How long is this going to take me?? :P And then I don't know if I want to be set up. I'm not sure if I'd be happier finding someone I like who ends up liking me back than having someone a friend thought I'd look cute with that they like, but I don't know. I hate being unsure. Maybe she'll forget and this whole thing will just blow over and not be brought up again...she hasn't said anything for a while now...
20 days...20 days....I think I'm going to combust! woot!