:D

I was just talking to my Kristina buddy from back home who I haven't seen since about fall break...
*warm warm warm fuzzy*
We've got a few...similarities that were there before that we never realized existed.
And since we started hanging around each other, just the two of us, sometime around junior year, we've gotten soo close...
I just didn't realize it until tonight.
It's happy. And exciting. :D
In other news...
Things have gotten stuffy. And my head is kind of attempting to throb at random moments...
I really really really REALLY hope I'm just waay overtired.
And that this isn't a cold. Or whatever it is that Sarah has.
I was incredibly light headed after practicing tonight. And I'm feeling stuffy and throbby right now. And my throat's all wierd. Not painful...just off. Like I can't swallow for some odd reason type off. Kind of closed off.
Now for some sleep to test the over tired hypothesis...hopefully that's it...otherwise, it'll be time to break out the nyquil...

ELATION!!!

I DID IT!!! I PASSED THE RELIGION TEST!!!!
I got a B!!!!!!!!!!!
85%!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT!!!!
And now...I'm getting a 73% in the class...
a C, NOT a D!!!!
WOO HOO!!!
Happiest moment of the week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D

happiness

It's incredibly happy when you get back from a four day break and the people you see pretty much every day and are around *allll* the time and figure are kind of tired of you at this point admit to having missed you a lot and hug attack you the second you're in their sight...
And it's happy when a buddy who usually doesn't admit to missing you, that you don't think misses you a lot, does so, then the second they see you, runs up from behind and does a complete hug attack before you even realize they're there...
Some warm fuzzies for the cold and bleak day.
Oh, and the fog that has returned...
heehee...
the dementors are breeding again. :P
And the football field's lights are on, making it look very filled with fog, moreso than anything else...
yeah it looks like a dementor orgy on the field...lol...
I kind of scared Chelsea with that comment.
anyway...
*carries on, still feeling all warm and fuzzyish*

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

guess what guess what guess what???
I just stood in line...for an hour...second attempt today....
I'M GONNA SEE THE FRAY IN JANUARY!!!!
I GOT THE TICKET!
IT'S A STINKY SEAT IN THE BACK OF THE BALCONY AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I'M SITTING BY! BUT I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!
I'M GONNA SEE THE FRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*dances in circles*
*squeals at random*
WOO HOO!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
That COMPLETELY turned my whole day around...
:D :D :D :D
YAY!

WOO HOO

So today?
Hmmm...pretty good.
I survived yet another car ride back. I've discovered time tends to fly with some very talkative friends in the backseat as opposed to just my dad and I...we don't tend to hold conversation for very long.
I did *not* cry upon my return. Once. The past two times I've come back, I've been in a gloom for a day or so. This time....I was ok :D
I washed my beginning-to-smell bedsheets, as no one else was doing laundry today. Which was happy. They smell like my sheets at home now :D
My room is still a wreck. But it's all good. It will be clean eventually.
Fray tickets are on sale tomorrow morning :D :D :D
ANNNNNDDD...
THE EVIL PAPER OF DEATH AND DOOM IS DONE!!! DONE DONE DONE!!!! NO MORE! NEVER AGAIN! A BIBLIOGRAPHY...AND NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The evil massive five page paper that I've been putting off so much is complete. And I couldn't be happier :D
Annnd now...
religion. :P
But then...my nice snuggly clean bed :D
*dances in a circle*
no more paper...no more paper...WOOT!

breaks go by too quickly

Yesterday was Chicago. Which was pretty much amazing.
It was the perfect day. Temperature waay above freezing, bright and clear and sunny. We went down to Millenium Park, stopping at the Symphony Store on the way, saw the bean and the outdoor concert area, walked down to the lakefront, ate at Gino's East, which is the *best* pizza on the face of the planet. It made the two hour long wait completely worth it. Then, we went to see the Magnificent Mile and the Marshall Fields' window displays, Marry Poppins based, which were...ok. Not Christmas-ish and overly crowded, but cute. We also got some Frango mints, which are the best mints on earth, and went down to the American Girl Doll store for Melissa. It was a wonderful day. It reminded me of how much I want to live downtown someday.
I love that city to no end.
The train ride home was interesting. Melissa and I were sitting by a family with two eight year old sisters who reminded me exactly of how my best friend Alyssa and I (who I've known since we almost turned five, our birthdays are five days apart, and we spent almost every second together for about seven years) used to act at that age. It was cute.
We also started decorating the Christmas tree. I have thirteen holiday Barbie ornaments, every one ever made, and those are the only things I managed to get on the tree.
Today was my haircut. :) My head feels a lot lighter now lol...
And a big breakfast, compliments of my Dadoo.
Some more Target and Micheals shopping, where I got these hoop earings that are so big they can almost double as bracelets. They match my hair nicely :D
I also saw Stranger Than Fiction with Sandy, Rachel and Shea. It was *such* a good movie, I LOVED it, and I normally don't like Will Farrel at all.
Dinner was at the Charley Horse. And it was really good as well.
Then I started my paper. I'm about halfway done. Tomorrow shouldn't be too bad.
And...that's the last of my break in a nutshell. It went waay too fast. Luckily, Christmas isn't too far off...
:D

happiness is home

I got home last night. And it is wonderful.
I got to listen to my favorite radio station while in the shower this morning, and they played the Goo Goo Dolls :D
I saw an episode or two of my soap. And one of Monk. The only good one they've done all season.
Tink is mad at me again. Snoopy is pretty much Melissa's shadow.
My bedsheets still smell as clean as they did over fall break. And Teddybum is still just as cuddly :)
Target was wonderful! I saw Rachel and Sandy and it was GREAT. And happy. We ran around the store like maniacs. And it wasn't planned at all. Melissa and I walked in, and I saw Rachel and Sandy, all three of us did a double take, Rachel and I dropped what we were holding, and ran at each other, screaming. We attracted the attention of the whole store and blocked an entire aisle for a good five minutes :D
Micheals was equally amazing. I found camoflauge yarn and started my brother's scarf on some new bamboo needles, which are pretty much amazing.
I also finished my Gryffindor scarf today!!!!!! wOOt times a million! It has tassles and is all sewn and everything! :D :D :D
Tomorrow is Chicago. And Marshall's. With some Franco mints, which are wonderful. And window shopping. And Cheesecake Factory.
And Grey's is on tonight!
Happy happy home....
It's nice to hear my radio station on the radio, not the computer. And shower without flip flops. And have real food. And cuddle with my kitty. And have my desktop weather have the radar map over Illinois.
Happiness....

I HATE BLOOD TESTS

I just got back from it.
It took twenty minutes.
I was stuck twice.
I'm still shaking.
The first stick, she got in the vein and everything...but nothing wanted to come out, so she waited for a good five minutes, then stuck me in the other arm, and it finally came out, but really really slowly.
Her explaining how much was coming out at each stick really made things a lot worse.
That was the worst blood test ever...
I was almost crying when she said she had to stick me *again.*
But it's done...it's over...
I think I'm starting to calm down.
3.5 hours and I'll be closer to home....
I think I've come up with an exact list of fears after this.
1. wrists
2. heights
3. blood tests
4. bugs
Seriously. That blood test was absolutely AWFUL. And traumatizing.
Heights only marginally beat out drawing of blood.
*marginally*
Actually, the top three are pretty much interchangeable.
*shudders*

wide awake and thoughtful

I'm about to embark on the much dreaded paper.
I'm actually in a pretty good paper writing mood, too, which is unusual.
Anyhoo...
I'm officially fasting. Cholesterol test tomorrow morning.
This will be difficult. Eating nothing and getting up early to get blood drawn.
*shudders*
I'll live. I'm just dreading it.
Break tomorrow. I. Cannot. Wait!!!!!!
WOOT!
Annd in January, I might get to see Phantom with Melissa and Chelsea and Jessie..
and the best part...
Rachel and Sandy are coming out for it!!!!!!
:D :D :D
YAY!
I think we're getting a cab and splitting the cost and meeting my Rachel and Sandy buddies in Des Moines 'cause it's waay out of their way to swing by Wartburg.
EXCITEMENT!
Chelsea got her hair cut today. And it is *adorable.*
It makes me want to cut mine again. I was thinking about it before, but now I kind of want to. Kind of a lot.
I like it long...I just get bored with one style kind of fast. And my hair has been like this since March.
I'm thinking short...
lol
I have spent a year growing it out. And now I want it how it was...
Typical me.
But...with different bangs. Sideswept ones. Really long prominent sideswept ones.
Maybe. I don't think I have the time this weekend.
...unless...Saturday morning...
ooooh.
Maybe.
Like a bob type cut. More of a bob that anything. Layered. Between shoulders and chin.
With the bangs.
Kind of like Dixie's...in my soap opera...but with slightly more bangs.
I'm gonna talk to my mommy about it.
I change my hair sooo much...
And it's been long since about my Sophomore year of high school. I just get tired of long hair really really quickly any more.
Now for the paper. Right after I talk to my momma :)
'Cause she won't be up later...and she could make the appointment, once I make up my mind.
I think I already have.
:D

drained

Religion test. Over.
I don't want to know.
Not that I think I did horribly...
I'm not sure. And I'm not dwelling on it.
I'm ready to collapse from tiredness, even though I got more sleep than usual last night. I think it's from all the stress and worry over that test.
It's gonna be a loong day.
I feel that some hugs are in order.
A few.
Sounds good.
The Harry Potter trailer that was supossed to be online today isn't.
And it's making me mad. Because it's what I was looking forward to the most about today.
At least...I can't find it.
It's not where it should be.
Time for a search...
Isn't it Wednesday yet?

pensive and sleepy...

The trailer?
BEST FIFTY FOUR SECONDS OF MY LIFE.
AMAZING.
WONDERFUL.
The movie?
...eh...
ok. *shrugs*
Very relationship-esque and centered around animated penguins that acted akin to young children.
I'm not that moved by romance. Or kids.
It was...okay, I guess.
Afterwards, it was a game of Life in Melissa's room.
Which was great fun.
And got me thinking.
The whole game is based off of major life events. College, job, marraige, home, kids, retirement. The basic life goals everyone is supposed to have. Go out into the world, figure out who you are, then settle back down and start a family.
If life is supposed to be so diverse, and completely what we make of it, and unique to everyone...why is it that the assumed life path for everyone is essentially the same? That in order to have lead a "full" life, one must be married with children?
What happened to our own paths? Anything we want to do?
Why do we all end up being the same?
Essentially, that's what happens. You're either old and with no family left, or old with the kids and grandkids coming around to help.
I don't want a laid out path. I don't want to settle into some big cliche.
I don't want to conform to what is expected of me. I'm tired of following the line, being good.
If the usual standard of living, the gauge as to how full life is, is based off of a family which you start...
What if I don't?
Would I be considered less? Considered as not having as full a life because I went off and did what I wished rather than what I was expected?
Why is it that everyone is so unique on so many levels, yet all any single college age person wants is a relationship, and at least some point in adulthood, all anyone wants is a child?
How is it possible that we could be so unique...yet so similar?
And who decided this anyway? Can't one lead a fulfilling life without the family aspect? What makes that the single most acceptable path one can take in their life?
There's a million movies and books out there with the theme that family is most important. That jobs are superficial and that one should focus on family more than anything. Not pre-existing family, but one's children and spouse.
*where is this coming from????*
At this point...
I don't want children.
It could change, I'm very well aware of that. But right now, it's not what I'm looking ahead to.
And while I would like to have some form of a relationship...
I realized this one during the movie...
I don't want my happiness to depend on some guy. I don't want to have to depend on someone else for anything. That's been the most consistent aspect of my personality since day one.
Very independent.
And I don't want to feel that I can't be happy unless some guy notices me. And likes me. And everything else...
I'm okay single. Heck, I'm great single right now.
Independent.
No longer dwelling on this.
I recently looked back on a few of my past posts...
As much as a year or so ago, I would have rather died than admit having wishes for a relationship.
I started to become someone I'd never wanted to be.
*disclaimer: I am referring to MYSELF. I know many people who wish above all other things for a relationship. I understand. Completely. I have NOTHING against that whatsoever. This is about MY wishes. And mine alone.*
I just...did not want to dwell on it. For as much as a second.
I don't need a guy. I'm not going on and on about not having anyone any more.
I am fine being Rachel and Rachel alone.
If it happens, it happens. But I have more pressing concerns than dating right now.
This is me.
SINGLE.
And damn proud.
Breaking the pre-set mold of most all college age girls:
No, I do not care about a lack of boyfriend right now.
No, I am not dwelling on "settling down" in the future. Or marraige. Or family.
If it happens, it happens.
But I am focusing on the aspects of my life I can control right now.
If I continue putting most of my thoughts into the things that are completely out of my control...I'll combust.
I just find it so difficult to come up with a definite future plan or future wishes regarding marraige and children. Because it completely depends on someone else. It's something you can't think up yourself, and then expect to find a Mr. Right that fits all of those expectations.
Whatever happens, happens.
It's completely up to fate.
Not only that...is that really what I want?
Wedding bands and children?
Yes...and no.
I'm kind of back and forth on that one.
I just have a hard time picturing myself as a mom.
And I'm tired of following the set path and all of that bologna...
This is MY life. It will go as I choose for it.
And, for once in my life, I am not conforming and just following what has been expected of me.
Single...and PROUD.

*contented sigh*

I found a new release today.
I had to give a group presentation in IS about the movie The Network, and my "role" was to give a basic summary as the main, extremely angry character.
I got to rant. And scream. And become pretty much the polar opposite of me. Preach the main idea of the movie in a loud, booming voice while pacing and gesticulating.
It. Was. Awesome.
I am SO much calmer now than I have been in a while.
I've still got work to do. It's gonna be a somewhat busy weekend.
But I can breathe. I can think about it without essentially combusting or ripping my hair out.
My new release.
Acting.
Granted, I don't think I'm that great at it...
But it was wonderful.
And now...
I wanna do it again!!!!!!
Anyhoo...
I mentioned the possible March of 08 trip to my mommy. I started going on about the cost and that whole thing, and it's crickets on the other end of the phone.
So I say "Isn't that exciting?"
And she goes "Yeah, sure..."
And then I start saying how I *might* be capable of saving up that much over the course of a summer.
Dead silence.
Then, "...you mean you want to go on this trip?"
....
DUH!!! Why else would I be going on and on about it like that?????
"Well, I don't know, we'll have to talk to your father about this..."
It's a work in progress.
I'm determined. Once I get the whole Scholars thing ironed out and talk to those profs on Monday....
Yup.
I've continued in my quest to get some kind of response out of Liz.
Not. Working.
She's responding to other people...people she's seen more recently than I...just not me.
It's frustrating.
I think I'm done trying. If she doesn't want to say anything to me...fine.
grrrr.
I had other exciting news. I just forgot what it was.
hmmm...
Oh well.
It's getting closer to 710...closer to Happy Feet...
AND CLOSER TO THE OOTP TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
WOO HOO!!!!

I AM IN LOVE WITH HARRY POTTER!!!

I just went to mugglenet for the first time in a week...
THERE IS AN OOTP POSTER NOW. THAT IS STINKING AMAZING.
*jumps up and down, squealing*
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
That just COMPLETELY made my day!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D
Annnd...
On December first..
ABC family is having an OOTP preview!!!!!!!
*more deafening screams, squeals, and jumping*
AANNND
On Friday Happy Feet comes out with the OOTP trailer that I'm going to see...
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
I LOVE HP TO NO END RIGHT NOW!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
[EDIT]
Went back to Mugglenet...looked at the other stories...

That first poster is being displayed by book stores.

That are already starting to take orders for book 7.

I know that they don't mean too much, JK is still writing it and all...

It's just UNBELIEVABLY EXCITING! THERE ARE POSTERS IN EXISTENCE THAT SAY HP BOOK SEVEN ON THEM!! WOO HOO!!!

completely weirded out...

I. Hate. PE.
A lot.
*shudders*
Next Wednesday...the start of break, the day I've been counting down to...
Cholesterol screening.
Drawing of blood.
AAAHH!!!
I CAN'T STAND THAT! AT ALL!
Not only is it disgusting....
I'm impossible to find a vein on.
There's a few people that I know who have a waaaaaaay bigger fear of these types of things.
And my freak out is nothing compared to theirs.
But still....I HATE this.
Not only that, we were doing destressing techniques today, and one of them involved laying down, shutting your eyes, and imagining things like "my arm is warm...or heavy" and the whole purpose was that these thoughts were supposed to increase blood flow.
Goodness, I'm squeamish. I'm cringing and shuddering just typing this.
I cannot deal with the thought of blood flow. Strange, I know. It's just disgusting to me.
And it weirds me out to no end. I don't know why. It just does.
So our prof tells us this right before we do it...
The thought was enough to make me cringe. So as she's going through this whole thing, I'm laying there twitching and fidgeting to death. Because the blood part was all I could think of.
Annnd there's yesterday...
I have this thing with wrists. I can't stand the sight of them, even my own. I'd rather die than take my pulse via wrist. I can't stand them at ALL.
We had lecture yesterday. About stress. And we were given this "biodots" which were like mood ring stickers.
That could, with a few other locations, be placed on the wrist.
I'm sitting in the back. At the top of the amplitheater type room.
And EVERYONE is putting these things on their wrists.
Looking at their wrists. Touching them.
*cringes*
That's when I discovered this is more of a fear. Because I started reacting to it kind of the way I react to heights.
Significantly calmer, I must add, but I still started freaking out.
Then Cassady, who was sitting next to me, figures this out and starts messing with me.
I just sat there and stared at the ceiling for a good five minutes. Trying to calm down.
Stress on trying.
Then, after that whole ordeal, right after I left class and was calm, I went to look at my dot...
It fell off.
I have no idea where it went.
grrrrrr.
And my roomate's fish died.
Its eye was bleeding.
It's still floating in the bowl, looking quite nasty, I might add.
And my fish looks like he's trying to eat Fransisco....
IT'S DISGUSTING!!!!
I'm not going ANYWHERE near that bowl til Fransisco is gone...
He wasn't my fish...
I'm not touching it.
:P
nasty.
Now I'm off to find calmer, less disgusting things to focus on...

I'm back.

And it's wonderful.
I'm writing again. Really writing again thanks to this blog.
I haven't felt the need to write since about the sixth grade.
I gave up on it. I hated anything I did write, with the exception of one single poem.
Since I've starting blogging,
it's become my release.
I can't go on with a thought in my mind until I write it out of me.
Literally.
It's like a pensieve.
Every emotion that I don't want hanging around, I need to release.
I think that's why most of my blogs aren't happy ones...
When I'm happy, I tend to write a little less, because it's something I'm ok with.
When I'm upset, I need to get it out...I can't remain that way, it needs to be released. I usually tend to write a lot more when this is the case.
And I usually tend to reach my epitomes and breaking points while writing.
Shortly thereafter...I'm usually close to ok.
And last night, after I heard that quote in the movie...and started thinking...I got this insane urge to start writing. I haven't done that since the age of twelve.
Throughout the whole movie, that's all I could think of.
That quote. The start of my thought process. The need to write it down and actually go somewhere with it.
The *second* I was back in my room, that's exactly what I did. For an hour. Wrote out an entire train of thought.
And, unlike everything else I used to write, I was really pleased with myself afterwards.
I read over it a few times, and actually liked it, and didn't mind the fact that other people would be reading it.
Kristina has told me twice now I should write songs.
Well...I don't know about that...as I don't sing, nor do I have the desire to, nor am I good at creating melodies, song writing would be...slightly pointless.
I'm fine with long, written out trains of thought.
Heck, I love long, written out trains of thought.
It's just exciting to revive something that I figured I'd never be able to pick up again.

size is JUST a number...

I'm in the library right now.
About to start homework.
Just needed to do some venting first.
Earlier, I was is in Melissa's room, with Chelsea and Sarah (her roomate) and we were talking about shopping, and I mentioned how difficult it is for me.
Seriously. It's frustrating when you spend an hour and a half trying to find jeans and you only end up with two pairs because either they don't carry your size or they just don't fit.
They all got really annoyed with me.
Because I happen to wear a size 0.
*oh my goodness!* It's out! I'm a toothpick! *mock shock*
If I wore, say, a size 7 or 9, they'd probably agree with me.
But no.
I can't help my size!!!!! It's not my fault!
I have just as much a right as anyone to complain about shopping because of sizes.
They were all like "Gee! I don't have ANY sympathy!" It's like they were pretty much saying that I should enjoy not being able to find anything that fits me because my size is a small number.
And they weren't polite about it.
I found it REALLY rude.
And it angers me a lot.
All I have to do is mention my size and it's dirty looks all around.
I CAN'T HELP IT!!!
And then Chelsea goes "it's like my friend this one time, she called me to say she found this dress, but they didn't carry it small enough for her, so she ended up with a 5, and she's all 'it's like a circus tent on me!!' I had no sympathy whatsoever."
Heh...yeah...a size 5 wouldn't even stay up on me. Size 3s (in dresses) are slightly larger than circus tents.
It just REALLY bothers me that people get SO rude when I mention my size.
I'm not showing off about it.
Seriously.
WHY do they feel the need to act that way towards me????
This is just how I'm built. It's how I've ALWAYS been.
I have no control over it.
It's really frustrating.
I have a right to complain.
You know why?
SIZE 0 JEANS ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND. SIZE ONE PROM DRESSES ARE EVEN MORE RARE.
It's even *more* frustrating with jeans because only 2 or 3 brands actually fit me.
I learned this the hard way after Christmas last year.
It's MORE than frustrating when you find a bunch of really cute jeans, you think they'll fit and you'll actually get a few to decide between, and none of them do.
Either way too small, or, in a couple of instances, too big.
I don't react that way to other people when they mention difficulties in shopping or anything like that.
SO DON'T DO IT TO ME!!!!!!!!
:P

*revels in happiness*

Tonight actually ended pretty stinking well :)
Larisa dropped by to see if I wanted to join her in knitting.
We ended up watching Peter Pan (not the cartoon version or Hook) with Katie.
It. Was. Amazing.
Goodness.
The boy who played Peter Pan...
*sigh*
Gorgeous.
Though I must admit, he is significantly younger than I. Probably more around my brother's age, a couple of years older-ish.
Stupid age...
And the music?
*DIES*
Wonderful.
Really really happy. One of those soundtracks that would be *perfect* to blast through some headphones and dance around one's room like crazy with in the middle of the happiest moment ever.
Also one of those soundtracks that makes me want to perform it...and makes me think about my major...
I've been down this road too many times.
It also had the best quote ever.
"What worries grown-ups...never worries children."
Too true when you think about it.
It made me think about how complicated everything's gotten. Wasn't it just yesterday I was sitting in my room for hours on end, oblivious to the world, playing with my Barbies all day?
Then I realized...
I got rid of my Barbies when I was nine.
That's TEN years ago.
It's been a decade since life was simple enough to play with dolls for me.
It's just...strange. Strange to think that I started maturing a decade ago. That everything started becoming complicated ten years ago.
But it seems like yesterday.
Yet, technically...it isn't.
And the things that are suddenly so important and pressing to us now, would NEVER be important or pressing to a child. That we start out life so calm and stress and worry free..and look where we end up.
Why does it have to be this way?
Why must life become this complicated?
Why can't we all hold on to the simplicities of childhood just a little longer?
Maybe...never let them go.
Be able to run around like a maniac without being tied to a desk. Imagine entire worlds and identities to run away with when normal life gets too mundane. Only having to worry about being on time for a nap, instead of meetings and classes and all the other unecessaries we consider to be so important.
Just...exist. Without any difficulties. Without agendas. No planners and calendars. Just countdowns to birthdays, Christmas and Easter with hopes to lose another tooth and be visited by the tooth fairy.
And everything we consider to be so necessary...
Is it, really?
Ten years from now...will it make a difference whether or not we were five minutes late for that class? Or whether we made it at all? Or how full we make our schedule?
Looking back on highschool...
I was running around like a maniac.
But now...all the stress I put myself through...doesn't matter.
Those minor breakdowns I had right before first semester finals due to workload and stress...pretty much pointless at this point in time. But back then...
Those finals were my life. That school was my life.
It seems so important at the moment. Everything does. But so many years later...we forget. We forget exactly what we put ourselves through, exactly what was so important and pressing, because we move on.
To bigger stresses. Bigger concerns.
And in the end...
It doesn't make a difference.
Eventually, all is forgotten.
It's pointless to worry.
Life shouldn't be this complicated.
We should just be able to...exist.
Like we used to.
Like we all once did.

frustrated rant.

GRRRR!!!!!!
Just got done with chem. The tests are graded, but we're not getting them back until Wednesday because some soccer players still have to take theirs. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I GOT!!!!
We walk into class, and there's a class average on the board and everything...
AAAAH!!!!
Not to mention the fact that it's another schedule from hell Monday.
And we spent all of chem going over bonding structures.
I'M TIRED OF BONDING! IT MAKES NO SENSE! Those were the messiest notes in the history of messy notes because he kept changing his mind and drawing a million structures for everything.
And next class...ORBITAL bonding.
I don't know what it is. And at this point, I really don't want to. I'd rather not bond with ANYTHING. Just sit alone all day. No evil bonding...no more...
And I had religion today. I HATE that class. Not only is it annoying and time consuming and uninterestig, it's making me sound like a heathen. We had a four question pop quiz today. I got one right. I HATE POP QUIZZES!!!!!!!!!
AND there was PE today. We had a test. I brought my notebook to do some quick studying right before the test. But I couldn't study as it wasn't the right notebook.
*fumes*
This just isn't one of my usual happy go lucky days.
I'm sensing hormones.
:P
And now I have to go to the annoyance that is IS.
*mumbles obscenities*

*OMG*

*dances in excitement*
So...I had this amazing flute teacher in the sixth grade who I loved to death. Right before seventh grade, she moved to FL, and a year or so later to WI. We kept in touch through email until about my junior year of highschool.
Then...we kind of lost touch...
So today, I went on facebook and had a friend request...
FROM LIZ!!!! My flute teacher!!!!!!!!
It just made me sooo stinking HAPPY and excited :D :D :D
*oh Kristina...you should soo friend request her if she hasn't found you already....;) *
Just a moment of shear happiness...

wow.

I was just on facebook, and I saw this quote on Larisa's profile.
It's exactly how I feel. How I've felt. Regarding my choice between music and science.
"It's hard to wait on something that you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."
Yup.
That's it in a nutshell.
That's just so...perfect...even I couldn't have thought of something so concise that managed to convey almost every thought I've had regarding this.
Just...wow.

Wow...post numero fifty...

Back on my rope. And waay at the top. I like it up here...
I got a BUNCH of junk done today. Realized my workload isn't sooooo bad...it could always be worse...
Well, mainly, I got together with my group and we started putting together the speech and I realized I wasn't really far behind and I really knew what I was doing.
That's about all I needed. A reminder that I am somewhat intelligent and am capable of accomplishing at least one homework assignment.
I found a nieghbor who really understood the religion worksheet and got some help with that, reminded myself that I have all week to work on chem *and* the IS rough draft/regular movie I didn't get to see tonight.
Now just the film aesthetic and some chem review and I'm good for the weekend.
Oh, happiness.
I talked to my mommy about Thanksgiving today...
Melissa and I are going (with my family) to see Marhall Fields' windows on State Street lit up the day after Thanksgiving!!!! :D :D :D :D
AND we're eating at the Cheesecake Factory!!!!!!
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!
But my mom..is SOO paraniod...
She gave me this five minute long lecture about how we shouldn't carry purses or wear "good" jewelry because it's really crowded and that's when pickpockets can take stuff if you're not paying attention...
*rolls eyes*
Seriously. If you keep an eye on your purse, it's going to be OK. Just don't be foolish and bring a bunch of junk.
I really hope she doesn't give Melissa her speech...as I don't think Melissa's been to a city like this before, and I don't want my mom to scare her...
I can't wait til Thanksgiving break...I get to be at home, Melissa's coming with, we're going to Chicago, I get to see my Sandy and Rachel.
It's going to be wonderful.
:D :D :D
AND I can't wait til Harry Potter book seven.
Kind of random, I know, but Melissa and I discussed it, then I called Sandy and we discussed it, then my roomate and I discussed it (I keep forgetting she's somewhat of a Potterhead...granted, NOWHERE near as big a Potterhead as I, but a Potterhead nonetheless). Now that I'm thinking about it...I WANT IT NOW! I want to know what happens! And the midnight release Sandy, Rachel and I are going to....*dies* It usually starts at 10. AM. The day before the actual release. That's fourteen hours of pre book craze!!!! And we're dressing up in actual Gryffindor robes this time...my hair will be red AGAIN...
*bounces up and down in chair* WAY premature excitement, I know. But I'm still excited. AND the trailer for movie five premieres in front of Happy Feet next week, which Melissa and I are going to see. Just for the trailer. We'll more than likely stay for the movie, but we're going *just* with the purpose of the trailer. :D :D True Potterheads, through and through XD
Well...now to finish that last little bit of homework...and continue to dream of the day when it is announced that JK has finished writing this book...*sigh*