meh.

So I was at work for an entire half hour today. Got sent home because of some scheduling issues. I'm still not sure exactly how that worked out, but ok.
I'm working 6am-12 every day this week and then 8-4 on Saturday.
26 hours over four days.
It'll be money, at least.
But I do think I want another job. If anyone wants to hire me. Drive thrus are evil and I don't care for working with food (people are SO RUDE if you make even the slightest of mistakes!!).
Not only that, I only want around twenty hours a week, and when I went to talk to the manager about this, she was immensly confused.
...it's only part time...
Anyhoo.
I did get to go shopping a little today.
AAAARRRRRGH.
An entire HOUR AND A HALF looking for only ONE pair of jeans at Kohls.
Did I find them?
NO!!!! Not one stinking pair that I tried on fit...there were almost no jeans left within my size range.
It's hard to be as happy as I was with my size say, last week, after *that.*
:P
So I did some therapy shopping at Target...found some black ballet flats to replace the two pairs that I have (I've worn them so much, they're literally falling apart) and some pajama pants.
And I did find an adorable brown sweater at Kohl's. So besides the jeans bit, it was a rather productive shopping day.
I've been listening to my Grey's CD all day.
And I just love it more and more.
It's allowed me to think. Just the right kind of music, and since I don't know the words to these songs yet, I can't sing along in the car right now, so to replace the silence of my "wonderful" singing voice was a head full of thoughts.
I'm kind of trying to figure out exactly who I am.
There was one line I caught in one of the songs, I don't remember it now, but it launched that train of thought.
This is probably going to end up being just a loooong list of rambles, but I need to get it out of my head somehow...so pensieve time.
There's a bit I don't like.
But there's good in there, somewhere, as well.
Evidently my quirks and eccentricities are part of the good...but how do you define your own quirks? Most everything I do seems normal to me. Unless I compare it to what *other* people are doing.
I seem to have a fear of failure. After some thought, I think that was why I was so apprehensive about work today...I was afraid I'd screw something up big time or forget what I was doing.
Which kind of did happen, my manager asked me to refill one of the refridgerators and "date and wrap the meat" before running off somewhere. A minute or so after that I was sent home, so I ended up doing nothing, but I'm still not sure as to what to do regarding that.
I am passionate about a few things, and I am a strong believer in the "live and let live" idea. I really don't think it's right for the views of one group overshadow the views of another, which is a huge part of the pro choice and pro stem cell research thing...my mindset is, if you don't like/agree with it, just don't get involved with it and let those who *do* agree get as involved as they wish.
I'm not much of TV watcher and am greatly irked by the fact that there are more TVs than people in my home. To replace the TV I *did* watch, I've been increasing my online time, which I'm trying to cut down now.
I'm also a lot different than the rest of my family. I'm the only one who's anywhere near complete vegetarian, the only science and band nerd, among other things.
I'm truly a cat person. I'm not a big fan of dogs at all.
I like bright and happy things, and don't particularly care for being around others who aren't in a very good mood, though I tend to be rather moody myself.
I overanalyze. And it drives me nuts.
Also, due to the analyzation, I have the tendency to not trust new friends a whole lot. I cannot stand how I do that at all, it's very random as to who I'm not trusting, and it takes either a LONG time or being around that person a lot for it to go away.
Just a quick aside...for those of you who have endured that type of overanalyzation/lack of sheer trust from me, and you know who you are (if I've ever made odd statements about what I've been doing, coming out and asking if you really want to do things with me, just general odd things that usually end up causing awkward moments or are just conversation killers), I am very sorry. I shouldn't be thinking that way, there's no reason for it. I don't know why I do this, and I'm trying as hard as I can to fix it, but I don't know how long it will take.
Last bit of this really not so brief aside...Sarah, I think I've done this to you more than anyone else in recent memory. Lo siento, muy, muy siento. No...that's more of an excusa me. Maybe? Ack. I'll just stick with English. I'm really *really* sorry...I do not have a reason to be doing that at all. Period. I look back of some of the things I've said that fit into this category...and I feel like hiding under a rock...one of those "I didn't just say that...no that didn't come out of my mouth" moments. Well, several of them. You've given me no reason to be doing this. And it angers me that I've been like that towards you...I don't want to end up pushing you away. So, I'm trying to quit doing that with you more than anyone else. Again, I don't know how long it's going to take me, but I'm starting with keeping my mouth *shut.* <3
Back to my pensieve.
I'm also too hard on myself. This one I don't think I'll ever fix...the first time I was called on this was in the sixth grade, and I haven't changed. While my family is convinced that the 2.8 I got first term is good, I don't think I'll ever be able to accept it. My lowest GPA in highschool was a 3.4, and I graduated with a 4.3. 2.8 is for now, and will always be, unacceptable...I don't understand why my parents/family thinks it's *good.*
There's two negatives in a row...now for a positive...
Well...I do love helping others. I'm a good listener, occasionally good with advice.
Music is a huge part of my life and always will be.
I saw a busload of bandos headed for Texas today for the bowl game...and I was momentarily choked up. I don't think I'll ever accept the notion that I won't be marching again, and I'll always miss MK.
I'm also passionate when it comes to science...it's my other love.
I'm mostly OK with being single. There are lonely moments, I don't know of anyone who never gets them, but I'm trying to suppress them and am generally sucessful. When a guy comes along, he will, but I'm not spending time thinking "what if..." There's other things on my mind right now.
Harry Potter is my life, I've never been so obsessed with anything, and highly doubt I'll find something I love more.
That's kind of a fingerprint of me, where I'm at right now. There's things missing, and things I'm not sure about, and that's what I'm trying to figure out right now...
Off finding myself.