late night nonsense.

Teetering on the edge and
Trying not to cave but
Not sure which way is the right way
What's my motivation again?
Oh that's it...but I keep straying
Going to the side I've sworn against.
Never in my life would I allow it
Why is it weighing so heavily on my mind?
Why am I letting myself consider when I said, so long ago.
It's not going to happen I know it but.
Trapped in my own relfection
Mirror on the wall
Let me smash you, let me shut you up
"You ought to fear her pretty, pretty mouth..."
I'm imperfect in every way.
Dark side of Mary Poppins.... "Practically imperfect, in every way..."
No. Never.
Mental. Not external, internal.
If only...
Being noticed is my only poison.
Taking this away, but it's not going anywhere
What excuse will cover it this time?
No excuse, I'm not going there.
Numbers, numbers, counting, calculating, overbearing
My downfall.
Death of calculations
Let me end it all. Let me stop the charade.
Back to the way I was.
Not even long ago.
Not caring, not thinking, hardly looking, going on whims.
But I can't.
Being noticed is poison. Noticing is worse.
All numbers.
All images.
Calculations, thoughts.
My mind at night.
Wandering too far. Needing to stop but lacking brakes.
Why?
The world may never know.
Hell, I'll never know. Not so long as I live.
But it is.
I can fight it as much as I want.
It still IS.
Well, let the battle begin.
A war will be won.
The great internal war.
Mirror. You are dead.