This was my chem lab quiz. seriously.

1. What item must be worn on your face at all times while in the lab?
a. a smile
b. dried food from lunch
c. make up
d. safety eyeware such as goggles

2. What must you do when your skin is exposed to either an acid or a base?
a. take observations
b. run screaming from the room
c. jam the exposed area into your pocket and leave, telling no one of your awful secret
d. immediately rinse the exposed area with cold water and tell the professor

3. If you get cut from any source you should:
a. hold up the wound and call attention to yourself by saying "cool man!"
b. demonstrate your machismo by continuing the experiment, dribbling blood about the floor and counter
c. vigorously resist all attempts at help, claiming that Sylvester Stallone never needed help in the lab so why should you!
d. let the professor know of your injury and then allow first aid to be administered

4. If you feel ill in lab, either because of something you have been exposed to in the lab or from another source from outside the lab, you should:
a. rush back in secret to your dorm room so your worsening condition won't upset anyone else
b. position yourself near several sharp table corners, then suddenly pitch over in a dead faint
c. sit back and have a conversation with the imaginary friends you've begun to hallucinate
d. inform the professor of your condition and then allow fist aid to be administered

5. Eating, drinking, and smoking in lab are not allowed because:
a. students never offer to share with professors and so if I can't have any, neither can you!
b. caf food, being what it is, you should thank me for this rule
c. trying to consume all three of these things simultaneously is distracting to those working around you
d. accidental ingestion of a chemical is more likely if you're already nibbling or drinking and smoking is just a bad habit anyway

6. Shorts and open toed shoes are forbidden in lab because:
a. professors have their own unique ideas about fashion
b. there is a town ordinance against the professors' legs being seen in public and if he can't be seen, neither can I!
c. "hormonally advantaged" students are distracted enough as it is, and a pair of shapely, well you know, might lead to the end of this building, which, when you think about it....
d. long pants and closed shoes provide a barrier against chemicals spilled in lab

7. Never use mouth suction to pipet because:
a. professors love to watch students struggling witht the faulty pipet pumps
b. if students got pipetting done easily, the labs would be over too quickly and that would defeat the point of lab entirely
c. training students to stand apathetically in long lines, waiting to use the pipet bulbs, is good training for parenthood and those long lines at Disney World
d. it is too easy to accidentally draw chemicals into your mouth

8. Waste chemicals should be:
a. taken home to be dumped in a roommates' drawer
b. taken to the cafeteria to spice up the dinner offerings
c. dumped down the drain because (insert drawl here) a little water pollution never hurt nobody
d. properly disposed of

9. when in doubt aout something, anything, in lab, you should:
a. follow your intuition because that's the spirit that made America great
b. "my mother and your mother were washing clothes. my mother punched your mother right in the..."
c. run screaming from the lab that "AVAGADRO'S GOT ME! AVAGADRO'S GOT ME!!!"
d. ask the professor or the lab assistant

10. The overall purpose of lab is to:
a. extend the boredom of chemistry into the afternoon and or evening
b. expose you to dangerous chemicals that will blossom into cancer two to three decades down the road when it's too late to blame us
c. tick off athletic coaches and music directors by keeping your afternoon full, reducing your practice time wich jeopardizes their jobs and makes the science profs feel better about never getting picked before the kid with mono and a broken limb in football
d. link class concepts to real activities in an environment that is fun, possibly exciting, and also safe for all

it was pretty much exciting :D